第二届题图诗会：自行车

临襄居士

欣赏老师佳作。感受先生情怀。临屏问好。秋祺吉祥！

西海先生

点评辛苦，为支持楼主，发个双语版，

自行车  
文:西海先生

玲珑骨架却堪承，气注两腔翘首轻。
坡处吱声如诲我，不遭踩踏怎前行。

注：首句用邻韵。

Bicycle
翻译： 西海先生

It looks delicate but can withstand heavy pressure,
two tires filled with air make it look like a high-spirited warrior.
The squeaking sound of being up on the slope seems to tell me:
without being trampled, without making progress.

楼主点评：

这首在起承转结上构造的很漂亮，诗句也很出彩很励志，格调也高，深谙绝句作法。起承描述了自己自行车的特点，带着些许夸赞：看起来玲珑轻盈的车体却很能载重，两条轮胎打足气后就更加丝滑了。善写绝句的人都会低调起步，免得头重脚轻，所以先烘托一片和祥气氛以便下边的展开。
转句根据起承的铺垫进行展开叙述，更重要的是要对结句进行铺垫：上坡时自行车发出吱呀的声响，好像在教育我。这句是有毒的，好的话吸引读者往下读，在结句上定胜负；不好的话，结句达不到应有的效果因平淡无奇而招来喝倒彩，因为如诲我三个字给了个悬念，注定你必须有个交代
。结句果然出彩了：不遭踩踏怎前行。自行车还真的不是自行的，需要脚踏腿蹬，不用力踩踏就无法前进。这本是很普通的道理，也没啥奇特，殊不知这世间哪个道理不出自普通道理？所有道理其实都来自生活来自我们身边，而一首小诗，短短几十个字就能让你挑不到毛病，把一个人生哲学道理严丝合扣化解进来，还合情合理，这就是诗人的本事。
的确，我们每个人都需要风风雨雨的锻炼，需要饱受挫折经历人情冷暖的磨砺，在失败绝望之际不妨想想，自己就像自行车一样，看似费力看似难行看似停滞了，但其实这时候就是我们在前行中的一步，需要的是在现在的坚持和对前方的期待。

comment by 楼主：

This poem has a beautiful structure on the starting, developing, transferring and concluding. It also has brilliant verses and inspiring idea. It is elegant in style and professional in writing technique. The first and second sentences describe the characteristics of the bicycle with some praise： It looks delicate but can withstand heave pressure, and the two tires are rolling smoother after being filled with air. People who are good at writing quatrains always start with a low profile to avoid head heavy and feet light, so they first create a peaceful atmosphere for further development.
The transferring sentence should narrate based on the foundation of the first two sentences, and more importantly,  paving the way for the conclusion. “The squeaking sound of being up on the slope seems to tell me”, this transferring sentence is toxic. Because it could attract readers to read on and win applause in the concluding sentence; or be booed If the ending sentence may not achieve the expected effect. The last three words of the transferring sentence gives a suspense, and there must have an explanation.
The concluding sentence is indeed brilliant: without being trampled, without making progress. Bicycles are really not  automatic, they need to be pedaled, and they cannot move forward without exerting force. This is a very ordinary truth, and there is nothing peculiar about it. Do you know which truth in this world does not come from ordinary life?  All truths actually come from life and come from around us. A small poem, with just a few dozen words, can naturally conclude a philosophical principal of life, and the principal is reasonable. It is a poet's ability.
Indeed, each of us needs to exercise in the wind and rain, endure setbacks, and experience fickleness of human nature. In times of failure and despair, let's just think about the experience  that we are sometimes riding bicycles, seemingly laborious, seemingly difficult to move, seemingly stagnant, However, this is actually a step when we go further we have to experience. what we need to do is persistence in the present and expectation for the future.

西海先生

抠脚大汉 发表于 2023-10-22 23:47
这么厉害呀。我个人网站还真弄了三国语言，因为不懂英文，所以只能倚仗自动翻译软件。日文翻译倒是没问题 ...

现在翻译软件也越做越好，但诗词还是用人脑翻译比较好。 严格说，诗词翻译成英文，翻出来的东西也要符合西方的诗歌形式，让西方人一看，这是诗。但既懂英文，又了解西方诗歌的人就太少了。所以都是简单的把内容意译一下。我也是这样。

西海先生

抠脚大汉 发表于 2023-10-23 08:30
前一段时间看过介绍，有人把唐诗翻译成英语，这说明至少还有这样的人才。
日语则比较惨，基本都是熟悉汉 ...

同意楼主观点。敬茶。